ENGLISH/SPANISH TRAVELING LESSONS

I got this from one of my links below. As her own post indicates it is somewhat crass and rude. Funny though.

The First part is for those who speak Spanish and would like to "speak" Slang/English.
The Second part is for those who speak English and would like to communicate in "Mexican-Spanish"

Clases de Inglés. Spanish Classes

Some one sent me this email with this Spanish/English lessons. Very very funny stuff.... Be careful, it is somewhat rude...

CURSO DE ESPAÑOL /INGLÉS Y DE INGLÉS /ESPAÑOL

1.Si quiere una COCA COLA diga GUIMI A COUC.
2.Si quiere un cafe y una dona diga COFIANDONA.
3.Si quiere unos huevos con jamón diga YAMANEGS.
4.Si se agarra un dedo con la puerta del Taxi diga FOC.
5. Si algo le parece muy costoso diga FOC.
6. Si se cae en el metro diga FOC.
7. Si lo asaltan en el Bronx diga FOC.
8. Si se encuentra con una mujer de esas de película diga UANA FOC !.
9. Si alguien le grita algo que contenga FOC responda FOQUIU TU.
10.Si pierde el pasaporte, detenga un policia y diga AI LOST MAI FOQUIN PEIPERS.
11.Si se pierde en la ciudad, grite AI AM FOQUIN LOST.
12.Cuando se refiera a un tercero diga DE FOQUIN GAI OVER-DER.
13.Si quiere acostarse con una morenaza dígale AI UANA FOC UIZ YU.
14.Si quiere acostarse con una rubia dígale JALOU, CAN AI FOQUIU?.
15.Si no sabe donde tomar un Taxi diga JAO TU GET A FOQUIN CAB?.
16.Si esta muy enojado NO diga REFOC, solo diga FOC varias veces(FOC, FOC, FOC,...)
17.Si le quieren tomar el pelo pregunte AR YU FOQUIN MI?.
18.Y si estas instrucciones no le sirven de mucho...." Uat da foc YU uant?"

SPANISH FOR GRINGOS (Para que los Gringos aprendan castellano)…
There's always something to learn or to try, many times you need to say some phrase in Spanish, but you don't know how to say it, don't worry, your problems have finished, if your are a gringo and you don't know speak
We took from it some common phrases, just try and you're gonna see the difference and how easy is to speak Spanish.
(Léanlo en voz alta en inglés, está genial!)
1.Boy as n r = Voy a cenar = I'm gonna have a dinner
2.N L C John = en el sillón = on the armchair
3.Be a hope and son = Viejo panzón = fat old man
4.Who and see to seek ago = Juancito se cagó = Little John is a chickenshit.
5.S toy tree stone = estoy tristón = I'm kind a sad.
6.Lost trap eat toss = los trapitos = the little rag.
7. Desk can saw = descanso = (you) rest.
8. As say toon as = aceitunas = olives.
9. The head the star mall less stan dough = deje de estar molestando = stop bugging me.
10.See eye = si hay = yes we have
11. T n s free o ? = tienes frío = are you cold?
12. T N S L P P B N T S O = Tienes el pipi bien tieso = you have an erection.
13. Tell o boy ah in cruise tar = Te lo voy a incrustar = I'm going to insert it in you